»S 635 

.Z9 C25 
:opy 1 










. 2 3 C S5 CATCHING 



I 








^ 



OR, 



igitt0 t0 Hang : 

A COMEDY, 

IN THREE ACTS, 



AUTHOR OF "love's MASQUEKADE ; OB, MONET GIVES CONSENT." 



WITH Tlti: CAST OF CHARACTERS, STAGE nUSIXESS. 
ELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 




CINCINNATI: 
MARSHALL & IIEFLEY. CORNER VINE & SECOND STS. 

1859. 



e^ 



CATCHINa 



HUSBAND; 



§yitt0 U §Uxv\y. 



A COMEDY, 



IN THREE ACTS, 



By lames H, Gar^ter^ 

AUTHOR OF "love's MASQUERADE; OR, MONEY GIVES CONSENT.' 



WITH THE CAST OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINEi 
RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



CINCINNATI 




MARSHALL &. HEFLEY, CORNER VINE & SECOND STS. 

H(\ 1859. 






, ^ 



OPINIOJ^S OF THE PRESS. 



The new comedy of " Catching a Husband ; or, Dying to Marry," by Jas. H. 
Carter, Esq., of this city, -was produced for the first time on Monday night, the 
erening of Mrs. Kent's benefit. It was well received and made a most decided 
hit. The incidents and points of the piece, as they were exhibited during the 
performance, drew forth rounds of applause. In a word, the comedy was en- 
tirely successful and established itself at once as being fully entitled to a place 
on the stage. — Cincinnati Daily Times. 



Catching a Husband. — Owing to other engagements, it was not in our power 
to attend the National to witness the performance of our friend J. H. Carter's 
new comedy; but, feeling a lively interest in the success of this domestic pro- 
duction, arising from the pleasure we had had in reading its many pleasing and 
amusing incidents, we could not refrain from ascertaining its success from those 
fully competent to judge, and we were much gratified to hear of its complete 
and decided triumph. In our humble opinion, we rank this new comedy 
among those that will live on the stage, and bear repetition from time to time, 
as one of the popular and meritorious plays of the day. — Cin. Daily Enquirer. 



The New Comedy. — We were told by a friend, well qualified to pass judgment 
on theatrical matters, that J. H. Carter's play, " Catching a Husband ; or. Dying 
to MaiTy," went off with great success on the evening of its performance at the 
" National." The performers acquitted themselves handsomely, and the comedy 
was well played throughout. The plot as it unraveled itself, produced bursts 
of applause from the delighted audience, and as the curtain fell at the winding 
up of the scene, there was a general shout of approval. We are glad to hear that 
the author has made such a decided hit, and we hope to see his play re-produced 
at the " National," for it has certainly proved itself worthy of being ranked among 
the standard comedies of the day. We must add, that we feel no slight pleasure 
in speaking thus, as it is not often that dramatic talent succeeds so admirably as 
has the effort of our friend the author of the New Comedy. — Oin. Daily Gazette. 



TMP92-008806 



CAST OF THE CHARACTERS, 

As performed at the National Theater, June 11th, 1849. 

Captain Linwood, of the English army, Mr. Grosvenor. 

Mr. Frippery, in cog., - • Mr. Thompson. 

Ben Short, Capt. Linwood^s Footman, *...... Mr. Spear. 

Mr. Gordon, a Clergyman, ....... Mr. Gourley. 

Waiter, Mr. Myers. 

Lady Merlin, a gay widow, Mrs. Thompson. 

Lucy Summers, Lady Merlin's Maid, Mrs. Kent. 

LOCALITY— ENGLAND. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

Entrances and Exits.— R. H. means right hand ; R. H. 1 E., right hand first 
entrance; L. H., left hand; L. H. 1 E., left hand first entrance; 2 E., second en- 
trance; U. E., upper entrance. 

Relative Positions.— R. means right; L., left; C, center; R. C, right of cent. 



::*:;; The PUBLICATION. — This play has heen published by subscription, by the 
friends of the author, as a matter of compliment to him, and as a source of 
amusement and gratification to them. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1859, 
By JAMES H. CARTER, 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern 
District of Ohio. 



REMARKS BY THE AUTHOR. 

This comedy x^as first introduced to the public, on the stage of 
the National Theater of Cincinnati, on the occasion of Mrs. E. 
Kent's benefit, June 11th, 1849, and was received with great favor 
and pronounced a decided success. It was again placed upon the 
statue of the National Theater, by the manager, on the night of 
June 7th, 1850, when it was received with renewed favor and suc- 
cess, and was performed for several consecutive nights. The part 
of Lucy Summers was personated by Mrs. Kent, on all of these 
occasions, and was performed by her in that unequaled style of 
acting for which she was so justly celebrated. This lady was a 
great favorite, as an actress, with the author, and he wrote the 
part of Lucy Summers especially for her. He trusts, therefore, 
that the reader will pardon the introduction here of the following 
simple monody, written by him on the occasion of Mrs. Kent's 
death in July, 1850: 

respectfully inscribed to the memory of MRS. ELIZABETH KENT. 
She has made her last exit, 

Our own player queen ; 
Death's dark gloomy curtaiu 

Now drops o'er the scene. 
Yes, the last act is finished! 

Life's drama is o'er; 
Her gay voice of pleasure 

"Will be heard here no more. 
But, bright in our memory, 

A star will e'er shine, 
Whose light will remind us 

Of one, now divine. 
Tho' the tear drop of sorrow 

May quietly flow 
O'er our cheeks, as we dwell 

On this scene of woe, 
We must think of that Heaven, 

Where her spirit finds rest, 
Where the scenes never change— 

The abode of the blest. 
Yes, the last act is finished ! 

Life's drama is o'er ! 
The curtain has fallen 

To rise never more ! 

Cincinnati, February, 1859. J. H. C. 



I. 



CATCHIIS^G A HUSBA:^D; 

OR, 

DYiisra TO nSdl^RRY. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — A room in Lady Merlin's house. 
Enter Lady Merlin and her Maid, Lucy. r. h. 

Lady M. Lucy, I do not know what to make of 
Captain Linwood ! He appears to have a feeling of love 
for me sometimes ; and then, again, he seems only polite 
and courteous in his attentions — the same as other gen- 
tlemen. 

Lucy. I can 't tell, ma'm, what he means ; but I think 
he does love you, ma'm. 

Lady M. What makes you think so, Lucy ? 

Lucy. Why, ma'm, I have watched him when he has 
been here, and have guessed, from his actions, that he 
must love you. I can see these things better than you 
can, ma'm, because I am only a spectator. 

Lady M. Well, Lucy, it gives me pleasure to hear you 
speak thus, for I know you are a very knowing and saga- 
cious girl. 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm — for others, but not for myself, 
ma'm. 

Lady M. What mean you, Lucy ? 

Lucy (abashed). Why, you must know, ma'm, that 

that Captain Linwood has a Mr. Benjamin Short in his 
employ — his footman — who has — who has — 

Lady M. Well, what has he done ? 

Lucy. Why he has, ma'm — stolen — 

Lady M. What ! is he a thief? I '11 inform the Cap- 
tain, immediately, and have him arrested. 

Lucy. No, ma'm. He has rob — 



6 

Lady M. Well, Lucy, do speak out! What has he 
been guilty of doing ? 

Lucy. Then, ma'm, he has — has stolen — my heart. 

Lady M. 0, that is the matter, is it? 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm. And he keeps me in the same cruel 
suspense that Captain Linwood does you, ma'm. But ex- 
cuse me, ma'm, for being so very familiar, {curtesying.) 

Lady M. I do, Lucy, for you are my confidential 
maid ; and this is the reason why I have spoken to you 
thus freely of Captain Linwood and myself I have many 
female friends, as you well know, Lucy. But I can not 
confide to any one of them a secret of so dear a nature. All 
women have tongues, you know ; and the most discreet will, 
at times, forget themselves, when love is the theme. 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm. 

Lady M. I can trust you though, Lucy. 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm. You have been such a kind and 
good mistress to me, that I will ever love and honor you ; 
and you may be sure I never could be any thing but faith- 
ful to you, ma'm. 

Lady M, Well, Lucy, I may want you to assist me a 
little in my design. I am now about — no, I won't say 
how old I am. But I am not too old to marry again, and 
marry I will, and that, too. Captain Linwood. I have 
been a widow, now, nearly six years, and ever since I re- 
sumed my position in the gay and fashionable world, I 
have had many admirers ; but none ever had the power 
of making my heart feel the least emotion of love, till 
the fascinating Captain came. You know, Lucy, that I 
am my own mistress ; and I have now resolved to marry 
the Captain — and that, too, soon. I always had a prefer- 
ence for a military gentleman ; for my brother, whom I 
dearly love, and whom I have not seen for more than two 
years, is a lieutenant in the army. 

Lucy. I will give you all the help I can — you may be 
sure of that, ma'm. 

Lady M. I want to discover or invent some plan, 
Lucy, that will oblige the Captain to make me an imme- 
diate proposal. He has been paying me marked attention 
for a good while, and driven away all my other admirers, 
except that Mr. Frippery. But he has not sense enough, 
however, to see that his room is preferable to his company. 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 7 

Lucy. That 's very true, ma'm. Some men have very 
little sense in some things. Now, there 's Mr. Benjamin 
Short : he can not see how much better it would be for 
him to marry a decent woman like me and make himself 
respectable for life. 

Lady M. Well, Lucy, I will permit you to win the 
Captain's footman in your own way ; and I hope your wits 
will make you successful. But, in the mean time, I shall 
require your assistance to further my designs. Come to 
me in my chamber in a short time. 

[Exii Lady Merlin, r. h. 1 e. 

Lucy. I do love my mistress, that 's a fact — and I 
must do all I can to help her to become Mrs. Linwood. She 
loves the Captain, and I know the Captain loves her; and 
I think that our two heads will be more than a match for 
him. Then, I have to manage Mr. Benjamin Short. He 
is a very insinuating young man, just like his master, the 
Captain. I have made up my mind to become Mrs. Short 
before long, and nothing shorter. [Sings ;] 

Air — " I SHOULD LIKE TO Marry." 

0, I intend to marry 

My little Benny Short; 
I can no longer tarry 

A maiden of this sort. 
He 's such a handsome fellow, 

And has such winning ways. 
He 's made my heart so mellow, 
'T will melt some of these days. 
0, I intend to marry 

My own dear Benny Short, 
I can no longer tarry 
A maiden of this sort. 

My mistress has consented, 

I '11 win him as I please — 
I '11 never be contented 

Till 1 see him on his knees. 
But when we are united 
I '11 be a loving wife; 
His wants shall ne'er be slighted — 
I '11 stick to him through life. 
0, I intend to marry 

My own dear Benny Short, 
I can no longer tarry 
A maiden of this sort. 

lExit Lucy. R. H. 1 E. 



8 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Scene II. — Captain Linwood's room at the Hotel. Tlie Captain is 
discovered with his coat off, reading a newspaper, and sitting by a 
table on which are pen, ink and paper. Ben Shokt, his footman, 
is engaged in brushing the Captain's coat. 

Captain. I can not see any thing in the paper, this 
morning, that 's new; there is nothing whatever of an in- 
teresting character — not even the chronicle of a late mar- 
riage or death. Well, the papers are like every thing 
else, dull at times. I feel pretty dull myself, this morn- 
ing, (hooking over the paper.) 

Ben (aside). The Captain thought himself sharp 
enough last night, with the better part of three bottles of 
champagne in him. 

Captain. What do you say, Ben ? 

Ben. I say, sir, it takes very sharp brushing to clean 
your coat, this morning. But I have it cleaned now. 
Will you put it on, sir ? 

Captain. Yes; hand it to me, and help me on with it. 
It is time that I should call on Lady Merlin. (Be7i hands 
the Captain his coai, and assists him in putting it o?i) 

Ben. There, sir, it looks as well as ever, sir. 

Captain. Ben, I have a little headache, this morning. 
I believe I drank rather too much champagne at the card 
party last night. 

Ben. I do n't think you took much, sir — (aside) nearly 
three bottles i 

Captain. Well, whether I drank much or little, I 
think I am indebted to it for this headache, and I shall 
not drink, from this day, any more such headache stuff. 

Ben. That 's a very good resolution, sir. (Aside) I 
am devilish sorry, though, for I '11 not get any more. 

Captain. Ben, have you seen Lucy, Lady Merlin's 
maid, lately ? 

Ben. No, sir; not since I went there with you, sir. 

Captain. I very much suspect that you are in love 
with that girl, Ben. 

Ben. No, sir — that is to say, sir, that I — 

Captain. That you are in love with her 7 

Ben (stammering). Yes, sir — no, sir — but, sir, I was 
going to— 

Captain. Yes, you were going to confess the fact. 
Your manner has confessed it, already. 



9 

Ben. Well, sir — you know it all, then, sir. 

Captain. Are you going to marry her? 

Ben. As to that, I can 't say now, sir. But I do n't 
know how soon I might be disposed to pop the question, 
sir. 

Captain. Ben. have you forgotten the agreement you 
made with me when I first took you into my service ? 

Ben Qiesitatijig). I do n't know, sir, whether I have or 
not. 

Captain. Come, come, that 's too equivocal. Do n't 
you recollect that you agreed to stay with me three years, 
for forty pounds a year — and if you left me before the 
end of the time you were to forfeit all your wages ? 

Ben. Yes, sir — I believe I do now, sir. But I did 
not know Lucy Summers then, sir. 

Captain. That 's nothing to do with the matter. You 
have only served me about two years, and I shall hold 
you to the agreement. 

Ben. It 's rather hard to lose one's wages, sir. I 
can 't very well spare any of mine ; and, as you have been 
such a good master to me, I believe I will serve the whole 
time out, sir. 

Captain. That 's well spoken, Ben. Now I will add 
five pounds more to the wages that are due you, and give 
you liberty to make love to Lucy as much as you please. 
She will wait for you, never fear, if you only follow the 
right plan. Women do not so easily give up the men 
their hearts tell them they love. 

Ben. I am much obliged to you, sir (bowing)^ for 
your kindness. I think I can work ail things right with 
Lucy ; and the year will soon pass round, sir. 

Captain. Ben, for fear Lucy's bright eyes should con- 
vert you from your obligations to me, I will write down 
the terms of the agreement, and take your name to it. 
(The Captain sits dovm at the table and writes.^ 

Ben (aside). My master, the Captain, seems very much 
afraid that I will desert. I believe I would have popped 
the question to Lucy in a short time, for I do love her 
like fun — she has such attractions ! But I must, and will, 
manage her for a year longer, and keep away matrimony; 
for I can ' t afford to lose my wages, and have nothing left 
to make the pot boil. 



10 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Captain. Here. Ben, come sign your name to this. 
(Ceasing to write.) 

Ben (going up to the Captain). Will you please read 
what I am to sign, sir? 

Captain. Certainly (reads'). I hereby agree to con- 
tinue in the service of Capt. Henry Linwood for one year 
longer, from this day, at the rate of forty-five pounds a 
year ; or forfeit all wages that may be due me. 

Ben. That 's all right, I believe, sir. 

Captain. Now sign your name to it. 

Ben. I can 't, sir ; I must make my mark. They 
did n't teach writing in the school I went to, sir. 

Captain. Your name is Benjamin Short. (The Cap- 
tain ivrites.) 

Ben. Yes, sir; that 's the honest name my poor mother 
gave me — and all she left me to get through the world 
with. 

Captain. You are much better off than some men, 
Ben ; for there are many who are left without even an 
honest name to make their way through the world with. 
But now make your mark, here (pointing to the place). 

Ben (making his mark with the pen). There it is, 
sir. 

Captain (putting the agreement in his pocket). Ben, as 
we understand each other, now, I will go and make my 
morning call on Lady Merlin. She is a charming crea- 
ture, and I love her more than any other woman. But I 
don't intend to marry for a year yet; and if I can but 
retain Lady Merlin's love — for I think she does love me — 
till the year rolls round, and I find that my love for her 
is still the same, I will offer her my hand and heart : but 
not till the end of the year. I made a bet of one bun- 
dled pounds with Mr. Frippery, last night, at the card 
party, that I would not be a married man for one year 
from this time ; and I intend to win that bet, and present 
the money to the lady who may become the bride of Capt. 
Linwood. Come, I will call on Lady Merlin, and drive 
away, in her sweet smiles, the remainder of my headache. 
(Going. R. H.) 

Ben (aside). Hang that bet ! I am in for it, and must 
grin and bear it. 0, Lucy Summers ! 

Captain (stopping). What 's that you say, Ben ? 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 11 

Ben. I say, sir, I 've lost a shilling, somewhere. (Pre- 
tends to be looking for it.) 

Captain. Hunt for it when we return — never mind it 
now. 

Ben. Very well, sir. (Ben gives a knowing look as 
he goes.) [Exeunt Captain and Beit. l. h. 1 e. 



Scene III. — A parlor in Lady Merlin's house. 
Enter Lady Merlin, follotced by Lucy. r. h. 1 e. 

Lady M. Lucy, I wonder if Capt. Linwood will call 
this morning? 

Lucy. I think he will, ma'm. He always comes on 
this day. 

Lady M. Yes, this is the day he generally pays me a visit. 

Lucy. I hope he may come, for your sake, ma'm. 

Lady M. That 's one word for me, Lucy, and two for 
yourself. He is most generally attended by his footman, 
a certain Benjamin Short. 

Lucy, Yes, mam. 

Lady M. Lucy, if the Captain does not give me more 
encouragement this morning, in the way of a proposal, I 
will try the plan I made known to you, and see how that 
will affect his feelings. I intend to give him every oppor- 
tunity to make me a declaration. 

Lucy. I hope you may bring the Captain to his proper 
senses, ma'm ; and I think you will, if you try. (A knock- 
i'/ig at the door is heard, l. h. 1 e.) 

Lady M. Ah, there he comes. Show him in, Lucy. 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm. [Lucy goes to the door, and Mr. 
Frippery^ enters, l. h. 1 e.) 

*Mr. Frippery is the mysterious character in the Comedy: and the great 
feature in this part, that should be strictly observed by the person playing it, is 
the disguise. Mr. Frippery should be a well-dressed gentleman, approaching 
almost to an exquisite, and should wear a wig of an entirely different colored 
hair from his own, so that, when he appears as Lieut. Clifford, the contrast will 
be the more striking. In Act III and Scene M, he should have his dresses ex- 
ceedingly well arranged; so that, when he appears as the Doctor, he should not 
look at all like Mr. Frippery till he changes to Mr. F. again. He should then be 
well arranged and prepared to appear as Lieut. Clifford, of the British army. 
It is not intended that the audience, or the characters in the piece should know 
that Mr. Frippery is Lieut. Clifford, till he reveals himself. This is the great 
reason why the disguise should be well observed and attended to, so that the 
character may have its proper effect in the Comedy.— The Auihor. 



12 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Lady M (aside). Pshaw ! 'Tis that Mr. Frippery. 

Mr. Fe-ippery. Ah — good morning, my dear Lady 
Merlin. It gives me great pleasure to see you look so 
charming to-day. 

Lady M. You flatter me, Mr. Frippery. 

Mr. F. No — 'pon my word, my dear Lady Merlin— 
not at all. I never saw you look so interesting, if I might 
except the first evening I had the pleasure of seeing you; 
and that was at Lady Gay's soiree, last month. 

Lady M. That was a very gay party, Mr. Frippery. 

Mr. F. It was, indeed, my dear Lady Merlin ; and 
Done gave more brilliancy to the gay assemblage than 
yourself, notwithstanding there were so many beautiful 
women there. 

Lady M. You gentlemen will flatter, Mr. Frippery. 

Mpv,. F. 0, no, my dear Lady Merlin — I never do. I 
always speak what my heart tells me is true. But will 
you permit me to say, my dear Lady Merlin, that I called 
this morning to do myself the honor of soliciting the 
pleasure of your company to the Opera, to-morrow night? 

Lady M. I do not think that I can go to-morrow 
evening, Mr. Frippery. I have an engagement which will 
prevent me from accepting your very polite invitation. 

Mr. F. I very much regret to hear that I can not have 
the pleasure of your company, my dear Lady Merlin. 
(^A knocking at the door is heard, l. h.) 

Lady M. Lucy, attend the door. {JLucy goes to the 
door, and shows in Capt. Lintcood and his Footman., Ben 
Short. Ben shakes hands with Lucy; and he and Lucy 
walk to the rear., ivhere they appear to be conversing and 
interestingly engaged ivith each other.) 

Captain L. Good morning, Lady Merlin. I hope you 
are (juite well today, madam. 

Lady M. Thank you, I am, Capt. Linwood. But you 
do not look quite so well as usual. 

Captain L. I have a slight touch of headache, mad- 
am — that is all. [Seeing Mr. Frippery.) Ah, how do 
you do, Mr. Frippery? 

Mr. F. Very well, I thank you. Captain. [The Cap- 
tain and Lady Merlin appeal' to be conversing.^ (Aside.) 
Now is my opportunity for pushing the Captain onward. 
I must win that bet we made last night. I will try his 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 13 

jealous disposition a little. (Turning to the Captain.) 
I say, Captain, you recollect the bet we made? 

Captain L. 0, yes, perfectly well ; and I think that a 
gentleman of just about your size is going to lose some 
money. 

Mr. F. Time, Captain, will show who will be the 
loser. 

Lady M. Gentlemen, you can not both win. (Aside.') 
I must think about winning. I will try the Captain'3 
jealousy, if he has any. {Turning to Mr. Frippery.) Mr. 
Frippery, will you not walk with me to the garden, and 
see some very beautiful flowers that receive my care and 
attention? (Mr. Frippery bows, steps up and takes Lady 
Merliii's arm in his.) Captain, will you not bear us com- 
pany? (Lady M. and Mr. F. going, l. h.) 

Captain L. Most certainly, madam, with pleasure. 
(Aside.) Confound that Frippery ! I must have an eye 
on him. 

Lady M. Come, Captain. 

Captain L. I am at your service, madam. 

\_Exeunt Lady Merlin and Mr. Frippery; Capt. Lin- 
wood follows them out. l. h. 1 e. 

Ben and Lucy come forward. 

Lucy. Mr. Short, then you are a little afraid of rob- 
bers? 

Ben. Yes, Miss Lucy, I am a little afraid, ever since 
that rascally thief was found hid under the Captain's bed. 

Lucy (aside). I will turn his fear to my benefit in some 
way or other. {To him.) You never expect to find any 
robbers under your bed, do you? 

Ben. Well, I do n't know. But I do know that I 
keep my pistols always loaded and ready for use, in case 
I should find any. 

Lucy. Why, Mr. Short, you would n't shoot any one, 
would you ? 

Ben. Yes, I would, just as soon as I would (runs up 
to Lucy and kisses her) kiss you. 

Lucy. 0, Mr. Short, how you do take a body by sur- 
prise ! 

Ben. Do n't you know that, when you get any thing 
good, without expecting it, it tastes a great deal sweeter? 
4i 



14 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Lucy. Yes ; but then a body sometimes likes to know 
what 's coming, for fear it might not be so sweet to their 
taste. 

Ben. You do n't mean to say that that kiss was not 
sweet ! I can taste the honey yet (^smacking his lips). 

Lucy. I shall not tell you what I mean. But you 
dare not do that again. 

Ben. I dare not? 

Lucy. No ; you dare not do so again. (^Aside.) I 
hope he '11 not take a dare. 

Ben. I never take a dare from any woman, without 
paying her lips well for it. (Runs up to Lucy and kisses 
her two or three times.) 

Lucy. Why, Mr. Short, you are the most daring fel- 
low I ever saw. 

Ben. I am not afraid of a pretty pair of lips, I can 
tell you. But, Lucy, as we are by ourselves, I have some- 
thing very particular to ask you. 

Lucy (aside). Now he is going to ask me to have him. 
(^Turning to Ben.) Have you, Mr. Short? 

Ben. You know. Miss Lucy, I have been here to see 
you often. 

Lucy (aside^. I thought the kisses would be the thing. 
(Turning to Ben.) Yes. Mr. Short, you have called here 
several times. 

Ben. Well, Miss Lucy, I have never had so good a 
time as this to ask you. 

Lucy {aside). 0. dear ! how all-overish I do feel. (^Turn- 
ing to him.) What were you going to say, Mr. Short? 

Ben. I say — Miss Lucy — I never had so good a time 
as this — 

Lucy (aside). Why don't he say it. (Turning to 
Be7i.) I hear you, Mr. Short. 

Ben. To ask you if you ever thought of changing your 
condition ? 

Lucy (aside). What a slow way of popping the ques- 
tion. (To Ben.) I don't know what I might do, Mr. 
Short, if I was asked. 

Ben. Would you give this hand (taking hold of Lucyh 
hand) to the first one who asked you ? 

Lucy. That depends on who the first one might be, 
Mr. Short. 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 15 

Ben. "Well, Miss Lucy, I can 't be the first one (letting 
go of Lucy'' s ha7id). for I am under contract to keep single 
for one year from this time. 

Lucy (aside). I am so disappointed, I do n't^ know 
what to say. 

Ben. Yes, Miss Lucy, I am bound to Capt. Linwood 
for one year — and I must serve out the time. 

Enter Captain Linwood, discontented and someiohat ir- 
ritated. L. H. 1 E. 

Captain L. Come, Ben, I am going, I have remained 
here long enough. I see that Lady Merlin is very partic- 
ularly engaged with Mr. Frippery this morning, and has 
no time to bestow on me — not even to address me a word. 
Confound him, I say ! Lucy, does he come here often ? 

Lucy. Yes, sir, he comes quite often. (Aside.) That 's 
a whopper ! 

Captain L (aside). I must see about this. She surely 
can't love Mr. Frippery. (To Lucy.) Tell your mistress 
that I will call on her to-morrow morning. 

[^Exit Captain. L, H. 1 e. 

Ben. The Captain seems to be a good deal out of sorts. 
I must follow him (going). One year, Lucy. 

[Exit Ben. l. h. 1 e. 

Lucy (imitating hini). One year, Lucy. I suppose 
he means to ask me at the end of the year. I never was 
so greatly disappointed in all my life. I thought that I 
was going to become Mrs. Short without any further 
trouble. But I will not wait as long as Mr. Short insin- 
uates. I have a plan in my head which, I think, ivill 
make a short business of it for me ; and I will soon try it, 
too, with Lady Merlin's permission. 

E?iter Lady Merlin and Mr. Frippery, l. h. 

Mr. F. Your flowers are almost as beautiful as the 
fair being who bestows so much care and attention in 
their culture, my dear Lady Merlin. 

Lady M. Say not so, Mr. Frippery. Your compli- 
ments are really as plentiful as the rain drops of an 
April shower. 

Mr. F. It would delight me to hear you say that they 
were as refreshing. But purity and loveliness require no 



16 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

such invigorating aid. I must again express my feelings 
of deep regret, my dear Lady Merlin, that I can not have 
the honor of your company to the Opera. As I have an 
engagement at twelve, to-day, I shall be obliged to bid 
you adieu, and hope that I shall soon have the pleasure of 
seeing you. (^Mr. Frippery bows arid exits, l. h. I e.) 

Lady M {courtesies). Adieu, Mr. Frippery. Lucy, I 
think that I tried the Captain a little this morning. He 
certainly gave strong symptoms of jealous feelings. 

Lucy. You may well say so, ma'm — for he went off in 
a great huffy. He must love you, ma'm, or else he would 
not have acted as he did. 

Lady M. Yes, I think he does, I am glad that I 
made such a good use of Mr. Frippery this morning. I 
shall test the Captain's feelings for me, in the way I have 
already made known to you, the next time he calls. 

Lucy. Well, ma'm, you '11 have a chance of doing so 
to-morrow morning — for he told me to tell you that he 
was coming. 

Lady M. I am rejoiced to hear it. We must be well 
prepared for him, Lucy. [Exit Lady Merlin, l. h. 

Lucy. And I must be well prepared for Mr. Benja- 
min Short. iLucy sijigs.] 

Air — "Fanny Gray." 

These men are all a cruel set. 

As we poor women know; 
We never can a moment get 

Of peace, where'er we go. 
They 're always sporting, teazing, courting, 

To make us think they love — 
They 're always suing, wooing, cooing, 

As plaintive as the dove. 

They 're always suing, wooing, cooing. 
As plaintive as the dove. 

And when our hearts they once have won, 

They then no longer tease, 
They think no more of what they Ve done. 

But treat us as they please; 
"Whilst we are sighing, crying, dying, 

At our afflicted lot. 
Alas ! our fate we mourn too late — 
We soon will be forgot ! 

Alas ! our fate we mourn too late — ^ ■ 

We soon will be forgot ! ) ^'u 

[Exit Lucy. R. H. 1 E. 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 17 

ACT II. 

Scene I. — A Street. 
Enter Mr. Frippery, l. h. 1 e. 

Mr. F. I am as yet unknown, and will remain incog, 
for a while longer. I must win the one hundred pounds 
from Captain Linwood, for I intend to make a particular 
use of it. I have seen enough to tell me clearly that he 
loves Lady Merlin, and any one can see how much she 
loves the Captain. I will do all in my power to assist her 
in winning him, without her being aware of it, and at the 
same time I will be preparing the way to win the one 
hundred pounds. Ah ! here comes the Captain himself. 

Enter Captain Linwood, followed by Ben. l. h. 1 e. 

Captain L. Why, Mr. Frippery ! are you just on your 
way from Lady Merlin's ? 

Mr. F. Yes, Captain. I found the gay widow so very 
enchanting this morning that I permitted myself to be- 
come a willing captive to her charms, and time flew on 
pleasure's wings, I assure you. 

Captain L (^aside). The devil it did. (To Mr. E) 
Perhaps you would like to double that bet, Mr. Frippery, 
and make it two hundred pounds. 

Mr. F. I have not the least objection, Captain. If 
you say so, we will make it two hundred pounds. 

Captain L. Well, sir, then we will make it so. Ben, 
do you hear our understanding about this matter ? 

Ben. Yes, sir, I do, and I will recollect it too, sir. 
{Aside.) The Captain 's in a bad humor. I hope he may 
lose his money. 

Mr. F. Will you not accompany me to my hotel, Cap- 
tain, and dine with me to-day? 

Captain L. No. I thank you ; I have some business 
requiring my attention in a different quarter. I am much 
obliged to you for your invitation. Good day. (Mr. Frip- 
pery boivs.) [Exit Captain Linwood. l. h. 1 e. 

Ben (aside and going). The Captain's considerably^^ 
out of sorts about something. I think that Lady Merlin' 
must be the cause of it. [Exit Ben. r. h. I e. 

2* 



18 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Mr. F. The Captain is evidently a good deal worried. 
This is greatly in favor of Lady Merlin, and consequently 
much in favor of my winning the two hundred pounds. 
I am very glad that he doubled the bet ; so much the better. 

I will win it, and then I will make no, I will not say 

what I will do, till the proper time arrives. 

\^Exit Mr. Frippery. R. h. 1 e. 



Scene II. — A room in Lady Merlin's house. Lady Merlin is dis- 
covered sitting at a table, dressed as a middle-aged lady, with cap and 
spectacles on, and engaged in sewing. Lucy is busy dusting the fur- 
niture of the room and disguised as the aged waiting maid or servant 
of Lady Merlin's aunt. 

Lady M. Lucy, we must perform our parts well this 
morning. 

Lucy. Yes ma'm. I think we can do so. 

Lady M. You know, Lucy, that I am Lady Merlin's 
aunt, and that you are the maid of Lady Merlin's aunt. 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm. I think I can perform my part 
very well, as I won't have much to say. 

Lady M. Recollect also, Lucy, that Lady Merlin un- 
expectedly departed somewhere last evening, without let- 
ting any one know where she was going, or how long she 
intended to be away. 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm — and her maid Lucy went off with 
her in the same mysterious way, ma'm. (^A knocking at 
the door is heard, l. h. 1 e.) 

Lady M. Now, recollect yourself, Lucy. 

Lucy. I will, ma'm. (Lucy goes to the door and Capt. 
Linwood, followed by Ben, enters, l. h. 1 e.) 

Captain L. Why, Ben, we have got into the wrong 
house, or some change has taken place here. 

Ben. There are two strange people here, sure sir. 

Captain L. (To Lady Merlin). Is not this Lady 
Merlin's drawing room, madam? 

Lady M (^disguising her voice in some degree). It is, sir. 

Captain L. Is she not at home, madam? 

Lady M. No, sir. She very suddenly left here yester- 
day evening and sent for me, her aunt, to come and take 
care of her house till she returned. 



19 

Captain L. Indeed ! 

Lady M. Yes, sir. But she did not say where she was 
going, or when she would return. 

Captain L, Is it possible ? 

Lady M. It is true, sir. And what is still more 
strange, she did not intimate with whom she was going ; 
but I have too much confidence in her prudence to suspect 
for a moment that she would run away with any one. 

Captain L. It is very strange indeed. 

Lady M. Her maid, Lucy, is also missing. (To Lucy.) 
Is she not, Jane ? 

Lucy. Yes, ma'm, she is, and I do not know what to 
think of it. 

Ben (aside). Here 's a nice kettle of fish for the Cap- 
tain and me. 

Captain L {aside). Can it be possible that Lady Mer- 
lin has run away with Mr. Frippery ? 

Lady M (aside to Lucy). It takes well, Lucy. 

Lucy. It does, ma'm. (Lady M. and Lucy seem to be 
enjoying their success.) 

Ben. I say, Captain, if you will please allow me to say 
a word, sir. Suppose we go and try to find out which way 
they went, sir. 

Captain L. Stop a moment, Ben ; I will make some 
further inquiries of her aunt. 

Ben. Do, sir. 

Captain L. ( To Lady Merlin^ Did she not leave a 
message for any one, madam ? 

Lady M. No, sir. When I arrived here she was 
gone, and I took immediate possession of her house and 
affairs. 

Captain L. You are her aunt, then, madam, you say. 

Lady M. Yes, sir, I have that honor. 

Captain L. I must say, madam, that I see a very strong 
likeness in you to Lady Merlin. You look enough like 
her to be her twin sister, and, were it not for your looking 
so much older, I should certainly say you were. May I 
ask the pleasure of your name, madam. 

Lady M {confused). Certainly, sir — -my name is — 

Captain L. What name did you say, madam? 

Lady M (much confused). My name is, sir — 

Lucy. Mrs. Surgess, shall I dust the next room, ma'm ? 



20 CATCHING A 

Lady M {to the Captain). Mrs. Surgess, at your ser- 
vice, sir. ( To Lucy.) Jane, you need not do so just now. 

Captain L (aside and to Ben). [Lady Merlin a/id Lucy 
try to hear ivhat is said, and look at each other slyly.) Ben, 
there is something more here than we can understand. 
Did you observe the aunt's confusion? She knows a great 
deal more than she is willing to tell. 

Ben. I think so, too, sir. I saw them making signs to 
each other, sir. 

Captain L. Perhaps she has run off with Mr. Frippery. 

Ben. It looks mighty like it, sir. (^Aside^) I hope Lucy 
has n't run off with any fellow. 

Captain L. If Mr. Frippery has dared to run off with 
her, I will shoot him thOg^first time I see him. [Lady M. 
and Lucy laugh to themselves at their success. A knocking 
is heard at the door. l. h. 1 e. ) 

Lady M (to Lucy). Jane, go to the door and see who 
that is, (Lucy goes to the door and Mr. Frippery enters. 

L. H. 1 E.) 

Captain L. Why, Mr. Frippery, I am glad to see you. 
Your presence has relieved all my suspicions. 

Mr. F. What mean you. Captain? 

Captain L. it was nothing of any consequence, I 
assure you. You must pardon me for having indulged in 
any such foolish fancies. 

Mr. F. Well, Captain, trusting to your honor as a 
gentleman, that you have done nothing to wrong me in 
any way, I will not ask you for any further explanation. 
(Mr. F. sees Lady Merlin but does not recogriize her.) I 
ask your pardon, madam (bows). Is not Lady Merlin at 
home? 

Lady M. She is not, sir. 

Mr. F {recognizes Lady Merlin — aside). I see all 
through this disguise, if I am not mistaken. (Turning to 
Lady Merlin.) I very much regret, my dear madam, that 
Lady Merlin is not at home, as I had been anticipating 
much pleasure in seeing her this morning. You will 
please do me the favor of stating to Lady Merlin, when 
she returns, that Mr. Frippery called. {Aside.) I will 
go and not interfere with Lady Merlin's scheme. (Turn- 
ing to Lady M.) Good morning, my dear madam (going). 

Captain L. Stop, Mr. Frippery, I feel very much in- 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 21 

clined, just now, to increase that bet another hundred, if 
you are agreed. 

Mr. F. Agreed, Captain, with all my heart. Three 
hundred pounds, then, it is. 

Captain L. Ben, take notice of this. Our bet is now 
three hundred pounds. 

Ben. Yes, sir, I have. (Aside.) The Captain is get- 
ting better fast. 

Mr. F. Good day, Captain. Success to all well planned 
shemesj say I. 

[Exit Mr. Fripperi/. l. h. 1 e. 

Captain L. Ben, why are we not going 1 

Ben. I do n't know, sir. I 've been wanting to go for 
some time, sir. We might soon find out the way they 
went, sir. (Lady M. a7id Lucy appear to be rejoicing at 
their success.) 

Captain L. I shall not leave till I satisfy myself 
more about this mysterious position of matters (walks up 
to Lady Merlin and recognizes a ring on her finger}. Ah ! 
that 's the ring I presented to Lady Merlin. Permit me, 
madam, to look at those spectacles. (The Captain takes 
off her spectacles arid recognizes Lady Merlin.) Ah ! is it 
you. Lady Merlin ? {Lady Merlin screams and rushes out. 
Lucy also screams and Ben runs to her., catches her in his 
arms and kisses her; the Captain laughs heartily at the 
change of events; Lucy tears herself away from Ben and 
rushes out, and Ben joins the Captain and they both laugh 
most heartily.) 

Captain L (laughing). Ben, we came very near being 
caught in that trap. 

Ben. We did indeed, sir. The instant you went up to 
Lady Merlin, sir, I recognized Lucy at once, by one of her 
own expressions. {Ben laughs.) 

Captain L. Ben. that 's what I call a decided failure. 

Ben. They could n't come it over us that time, sir. 
[Lucy steals in unseen by them and hears lohat they say.) 

Captain L. The widow is a very charming woman. I 
love her now more than ever ; but I can 't marry for a 
year. Lady Merlin must invent some better plan than 
that, to alarm me. I am not caught quite so easily. 

[Exit Captain Linwood. l. h. 1 E. 



22 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Ben (going). What dev'lish sweet lips that Lucy Sum- 
mers has. I can taste the sugar yet as plain — 

[Smacking his lips and exit Ben. l. h. 1 e. 

Lucy. Yes, we will try a better plan to alarm you, 
Captain Liuwood, and succeed, too, the next time. How 
bold Ben behaved. He took advantage of my situation. 
But his kisses were such good wholesome ones, that I sup- 
pose I will have to forgive him. I will let my mistress 
know every thing I heard the Captain say, and he will find 
himself caught in a trap which he does not dream of. That 
Ben shall be mine by this time to-morrow, or else there 's 
nothing in woman's invention. [Exit Lucy. r. h. 1 e. 



Scene III. — Mr. Frippery's room at the Hotel. Mr. Frippery is 
discovered reading a letter. In the room are a table, chairs, Sfc. 

Mr. F. This is the last letter that I received from her 
before I left Paris. I love to read it. It is filled with so 
much kindness and affection. How happy she will be to 
meet me again. [A Jmockiiig at the door is heard. Mr, 
Frippery puis the letter in his pocket and goes to the door. 
Captain Linwood, followed by Be7i, walks in.) Walk in. 
Captain, I am very happy to see you. (Mr. F. and the 
Captairi shake hands.) 

Captain L. You seem to be very well arranged here, 
Mr. Frippery. 

Mr. F. Yes, tolerably, so, But be seated. Captain. 
(Hands the Captain a chair and takes one himself. Ben^ 
with hat in hand., loalks about the room amusing himself by 
7wticing the arrangement of things.') 

Captain L. You made but a short stay at Lady Mer- 
lin's house this morning. 

Mr. F. Yes, I did. After I found that she was not at 
home, I had no particular motive for remaining, and hav- 
ing another engagement pending, I hastened away. I sup- 
pose you remained till she returned, Captain. 

Captain L (aside). I shall not let him know what oc- 
curred. (To Mr. Frippery). Yes, not having any thing 
very particular to do, I remained till she returned. She 
came back in a short time after you left. 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 23 

Mr. V. I suppose you spent a very interesting morn- 
ing with the charmiDg widow. 

Captain L. Yes, it was an interesting morning, I assure 
you. Was it not, Ben? 

Ben. Yes sir ; very interesting, sir, very. 

Mr. F {aside). I hope that Lady Merlin's plot proved 
successful. {To the Captain.) Captain, will you not do 
me the honor of taking a glass of good Madeira? 

Captain L. Yes, Mr. Frippery, I will with pleasure. 

Ben {aside). So will I with the greatest kind of pleasure. 

Mr. F. {rings the bell for the waiter and the waiter en- ■ 
ters. R. H. 1 E.) Waiter! bring me a couple of bottles of 
your best Madeira. 

Waiter. Yes, sir. [ Waiter exits, r. h. 1 e. 

Captain L. The waiters appear very attentive here. 

Mr. F. Yes, sir ; this establishment is well conducted, 
and the servants are very orderly. 

Enter Waiter with two bottles of wine and glasses and sets 
them on the table. 

Waiter. Any thing else, sir? 

Mr. F. No, not now. ( Waiter boios and exits.) Come, 
Captain, let us try a glass of this wine. (Mr. F. and the 
Captain go to the table. Mr. F. fills two glasses, hands 
one to the Captain and takes one himself) Here 's to the 
charming Lady Merlin — may success ever attend her. 

Captain L. Good, very good. (The Captain and Mr. 
F. drink.) Now, Mr. Frippery, permit me to propose a 
toast. 

Mr. F. Most certainly. Captain. (Mr. F. fills up the 
glasses again and they both take them up.) 

Captain L. Here's to the one who wins the three 
hundred pounds — may he always have as good luck. 

Mr. F. Capital, most capital! {They both drink and 
set their empty glasses on the table.) 

Ben {aside, while they are drinking). That will be a 
capital, to the one who wins. 

Mr. F. Come, Captain, be seated. You are not in a 
hurry, I hope. {The Caytain and Mr. F. take their chairs 
again. Ben goes to the table, pours out a glass of wine and 
drinks it.) 

Captain L. 0, no ; I have no pressing engagement on 



24 

hand this afternoon. {Be7i is in the act of pouring out 
another glass of tviyie^ when the glass slips from his hand 
and falls on the floor. Captai'n L., turning to Ben): Ben, 
what are you about there? 

Ben. Nothing, sir. I accidentally brushed off a glass 
with my coat tail ; that 's all, sir. 

Mr. F. Never mind it, Captain. It is nothing. 

Captain L. Ben, you must be more careful. 

Ben. I will, sir. {Ben pours out two more glasses and 
drinks them, and then walks aioay from the table.) 

Mr. F. Captain, I think that Lady Merlin is one of 
the most fascinating women I have ever had the pleasure 
of knowing ; and 1 have been acquainted with a good 
many in my time. 

Captain L. She is, indeed, a most charming woman. 

Mr. F. Do you know, Captain, that I enteriain a great 
deal of love for her. 

Captain L. The devil you do. (Ben listens to what 
they say.') 

Mr. F. Yes, Captain, it is true ; and I begin to think 
very seriously of the propriety of changing my present 
position. 

Captain L (aside). He shall not marry Lady Merlin, 
though. {To Mr. F.) You do not mean to say that you 
intend to propose to the charming widow? 

Mr. F. I shall not exactly say what I am going to do, 
Captain ; but I do confess that I entertain a great deal of 
love for Lady Merlin and that I intend soon to become a 
different kind of a man. 

Ben {aside). I '11 drink to that. (^Ben goes to the table 
and drinks two more glasses of ivine.) 

Captain L {excited). Mr. Frippery, I love the widow 
myself; and, dam me, if any other man marries her. 

Ben {aside). Go it Cap. Them's the licks. (Ben stag- 
gers a little^ being slightly intoxicated.) 

Captain L. I hope, Mr. Frippery, that you are only 
jesting with me in this matter ; for I should very much 
regret to call you my enemy. 

Ben {aside and staggering). Give it to him, Cap.; I'm 
on your side. 

Mr. F. Well, Captain, I do assure you that what I 
have spoken you will find true. But, come — you recol- 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 25 

leet that "none but the brave deserve the fair." You may 
be the winner, you know. 

Captain L. I do not understand you, Mr. Frippery. 
There seems to be something, so obscure in your language. 

Ben (just enough intoxicated to make him stagger a lit- 
tle and becoming bold and forgetting himself y Dam me, 
if I can understand him either. 

Captain L. Ben, what is that you say ? 

Ben. I say, sir, I do n't understand him. 

Captain L. You do n't understand who? 

Ben. Did I say wwderstand, sir ? I mean, sir, that I 
can stand. [Staggering.) 

Captain L. Why, Ben, I believe you are drunk. 

Ben. no, sir {staggering)^ not in the least. I 'm on- 
ly a little dizzy. I have been turning round so much in 
looking at the things in this room, that I 've made my head 
swim. 

Mr. F. Come, Captain, let us take another glass of 
madeira ; for friends we are and friends we always will 
be. Q\Ir. F. goes to the table and fills up the glasses.) 

Ben {aside). We will all be friends together. Why 
do n't he ask me to drink. 

Captain L (aside). I now see all through Mr. Frip- 
pery's design. But he shall not drive me into a hasty 
marriage with Lady Merlin as easily as he wishes. There's 
three hundred pounds to be won, and I intend to have the 
pleasure of counting that money and putting it in my own 
purse. He will not make much out of me this time. 

Mr. F. Come, Captain, I am waiting for you. 

Captain L. Excuse me, I was just thinking of a busi- 
ness engagement I had overlooked, which I must attend 
to immediately {goes up to the table and Mr. Frippery 
hands him a glass of wine). 

Ben (aside — staggering). Another glass would make 
the Captain think I was drunk. 

Mr. F. Now, Captain, for a toast. 

Captain L. Well, here 's to our friendship — may its 
golden links remain unbroken. 

Mr. F. Most excellent. (They both drink their glasses 
and set then down again on the table.) 

Ben (aside). I know it 's excellent. I wish I had 
another glass. 
3 



26 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Captain L. I must now bid you good day, Mr. Frip- 
pery. (Shakes Mr. F. by the hand.) 

Mr. F. Good day, Captain. I hope I shall soon see 
you again. 

Captain L. Come, Ben, you must walk off that feeling 
of intoxication before supper-time, for I see that you have 
been taking a glass too much, 

Ben (staggering). Captain, you are mistaken, sir. I 
only feel a little weak in the knees by standing so long, 
sir. 

Captain L. I say you must walk it off, and that at a 
quick step, too. 

Ben. Well, here goes. (^Ben walks rapidly off toward 
the door and comes in contact ivith the ivaitcr, ivho is com- 
ing in, and they both fall dovn by the collision. Ben jumps 
up before the ivaiter does, and throws himself on the ivaiter 
and commences pounding him. The Captain goes up and 
pulls Ben off, and the waiter gets up.) 

Captain L. Ben, what the devil are you about? 

Ben. That chap run against me on purpose, sir. 

Waiter. It was you who run against me on purpose, 
for I was coming here to see if Mr. Frippery wanted any 
thing. 

Mr. F (laughing). It was only an accidental collision, 
Captain. You can go, waiter, I do not wish any thing. 
(Waiter goes out, shaking his head in anger.) 

Captain L. Ben, now follow me. 

\_Exit Captain, l. h. 1 e. 

Ben (going and aside). That knocked a glass or two 
of ivine out of my head, but I put a few strong punches in 
him. l^Exit Ben. l. h. 1 e. 

Mr. F. I did not succeed quite as well with the Cap- 
tain as I wished, although I forced him up to a pretty 
warm point. I will call on Lady Merlin to-morrow morn- 
ing, and perhaps something may occur, while I am there, 
that will give me an opportunity of offering her my ser- 
vices to assist her in bringing the Captain to her feet, and 
then I will win the three hundred pounds, which I will — 
yes, I will — call on Lady Merlin in the morning. 

\fExit Mr. Frippery. 



27 



ACT III 



Scene I. — Ben Short's apartment and sleeping room. A bed, table, 
chairs, 6fC., are in the room. A pair of Ben's boots are lying on the 
Jloor by the table. Two loaded pistols, a candle and some matches are 
on the table. 

Enter Lucy, with a vail over her head hiding her face a?id 
carrying- in her hand a mail's mask. 

Lucy. Grracious ! I never should have found this 
room of Ben's if it had not been for Susan, the chamber- 
maid of this house. It was a good thing for me that I 
knew her so well, for she told me all about it, and showed 
me the way, and said that Ben always goes to his room in 
the evening, just before supper time, to see that all things 
are right and fix himself for the evening. I hope he won't 
come up before I get through with my arrangements (goes 
to the tabic). I declare, here is a candle, and matches too. 
What a dear nice little man that Mr. Short is, to have 
things so convenient in his room. As it is getting rather 
too dark for me to do what I want to, I will light the candle. 
(Lucy lights the candle and sees the pistols.) Why, bless 
me, here are his pistols ! (Examines them.) They are 
loaded, too. For fear Ben might shoot me for a robber, I 
will take out the balls and keep away all harm (she draios 
the halls from the pistols and lays them 07i the table again). 
Let me see. The first thing I must do will be to make a 
man in Ben's bed. (Lucy takes the mask and attaches it to 
the end of the pilloiv and lays the pilloio leiigthwise under 
the bedclothes.^ leaviiig the end with the mask on out., the 
whole presenting the appearance of a man in the bed.) If 
this do n't frighten Ben a little. I am very much mistaken 
(discovers the boots). Here are his boots — a good discovery. 
Now I '11 fix these boots under his bed in such a way that 
Ben will think there is a robber there, certain. (Lucy fixes 
the boots under the bed^ so that the feet only project from un- 
derneath^ the coverlid., or valance., of the bed reaching to the 
floor.) I believe that 's all I want to fix. Now, if this 
only turns out, as I hope it will. I shall be a made woman. 
(Footsteps are heard approaching.) Gracious ! here comes 
Ben. I got things fixed just in good time. I must run 
and hide myself in that closet, and see how Ben will act, 
and be ready to take advantage of any thing that I can 



M CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

turn to my own benefit, {Lucy blows out the candle and 
conceals herself in the closet.^ 

Enter Ben. l. h. 1 e. 

Ben. I was a little tipsy at Mr. Frippery's to-day, 
that 's a fact. But the long walk I took soon drove it all 
away. What a rich scene that was, that happened at La- 
dy Merlin's this morning. I can 't forget the sweet kisses 
I stole from Lucy. I feel their delicious flavor on my 
lips yet. She is a dev'lish nice girl, and I do love her like 
forty. I wonder if all things are right in my room. I 
must examine {goes to the table and lights the candle). I 
always look under the bed first ever since that infernal 
thief was found under the Captain's bed (takes the candle 
in one hand and one of the pistols in the other, tvhich he 
cocks, goes to the bed very cautiously, and starts back in af- 
fright on seeing the boots projecting froni under the bed), I 
swear, there is a thief under my bed, sure enough (he 
places the candle on the floor, retaining the pistol in his right 
hand and cautiously approaches the boots). If I do n't 
shoot that rascal before he knows what he 's about, I wish 
he may steal every thing I have. {He seizes a boot with 
his left hand and pulls it suddenly out from under the bed., 
and in doing so, falls backward on the floor with the boot in 
his hand, and fires off the pistol as he falls over. luucy looks 
out of the closet to see what has occurred and draivs back 
again. She looks out often during this scene of Ben's. Ben 
raises himself up, and sitting on the floor, recognizes his own 
boot in his hand.) Why, what a damn fool I have made 
of myself in taking my own boots for a robber. {Ben gets 
up.) I am very glad that nobody saw what an ass I made 
of myself that time, or heard the noise of my pistol. (He 
picks up the candle, goes to the table and sets it down, also 
lays the pistol on the table. He looks cautiously round the 
room, his eyes rest on the supposed man in his bed and he 
starts back in alarm.) By all that 's great and good, there 
is a man lying in my bed, or else my eyes are bewitched 
and I can not see well. (He rubs his eyes.) Yes, I '11 
swear there is a man, and no mistake. He sleeps dev'lish 
sound, for the crack of my pistol never moved him an inch. 
I '11 just take my other pistol, for fear of accident. (He 
takes his other pistol from the table and cocks it, then seizes 



OR, DYING TO MAKRY. 29 

a chair and cautiously approaches the bed, and placing the 
pistol in his bosom, strikes the supposed man over the head 
with the chair with all his might.) I have given him the 
devil, any how, before he had a chance to wake up and at- 
tack me. I think I am a match now for any robber. {Sets 
the chair down and keeps the pistol still in his hand. Lucy 
makes a noise i7i the closet, which again alarms Ben very 
much). By the lord Harry ! if there is not another rob- 
ber in the closet. My room is filled with thieves. I 'm 
nearly frightened to death. But I '11 shoot that fellow be- 
fore he has a chance to shoot me. (^Ben approaches the 
closet and fires through the door; a dreadful scream is 
heard and Lucy rushes out, with her vail close around her 
face, staggering.) 

Lucy. I am killed. You have murdered me. (Falls 
to the floor,) 

Ben {dreadfully frightened). Good Lord ! what have I 
done. I have killed somebody and a woman, too. I shall 
be hung. Lucy ! Lucy ! what will you do when you 
hear this ! 

Lucy (groans). 

Ben. She can 't be quite dead yet, 

Lucy {groaris again). 

Ben. I '11 go and examine the corpse. {Be7i goes up to 
Lucy, after looking cautiously round the room, and kneeling 
on the floor beside her, removes her vail and discovers Lucy, 
and, in great agony of mind exclaims :) Oh, Lucy Sum- 
mers ! what have I done ! 

Lucy {groans again). 

Ben. Oh, she is not quite dead. If she would only live. 
{Crying.) Oh, Lucy, my own dear, dear Lucy, do not die. 
Oh that I had made you my wife weeks ago. If you were 
only alive, my own dear Lucy. {Captain Linwood enters and 
discovers their position U7iseen by them, and is much amused 
at what he sees and hears.) I would marry you this very 
night, so help me Heaven. 

Lucy. {Raises herself quickly up and thromng her arms 
around Ben^s ?ieck, exclaims .*) Then marry me, Ben. I will 
live for your sake. 

Ben. What! not dead! (Ben embraces her.) Lu- 
cy, how happy you make me feel. I thought I had surely 
3* 



30 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

killed you. I will marry you now, even if the Captain 
should not pay me one cent of my wages. 

Captain L. You shall marry her, Ben, and with my 
consent, too. {Lucy and Ben rise up quickly^ greatly em- 
barrassed at being discovered by the Captain.) 

Ben (bowing). Thank you, Captain, a thousand times, 
sir. 

Captain L. No thanks, Ben. Lucy has played the 
game so well and won you so bravely, that I will pay you 
in full all your wages and release you from your agreement. 
Lucy is fully entitled to you and all you are worth. 

Ben. Captain, you are too kind, sir. 

Captain L. Not at all. You can marry Lucy as soon 
as you please. I will leave you to make your own arrange- 
ments. {Aside and going'). Dam me, if that was not the 
best played game for a husband I ever saw. 

\^Exit Captain. 

Ben. Now, Lucy, tell me how you came here and how 
you got into that closet? 

Lucy. It was my love for you, Ben, that made me so 
bold. You must forgive me for what I 've done, and I 
will tell you all, after we are married. 

Ben. I do forgive you, Lucy. But, bless me ! I for- 
got that I had knocked a man's brains out, whom I caught 
lying in my bed, no doubt with the intention of robbing me. 

Lucy. You had better go and examine him, Ben, and 
see how much braiyis he had to knock out. 

Ben (goes up to the bed^ turns doion the clothes and picks 
up the 'pillow with the mask attached to it : discovering it to 
be a hoax, lays it down again. m,uch chagriyied). Why, I 
can 't say that I do see much brains lying about here. 
But I can see, plain enough, all through your plot, now, 
Lucy. You are a very cunning, dear creature, to take an 
innocent youDg man like me in, in such a way as this. I 
have been made so happy, though, by the result, Lucy, 
that I can 't get angry, if I wanted to. {Takes Lucy by 
the hands.) 

Lucy. No, you must not get angry, Ben, for I will 
tell you all I have done ; and I know you will only laugh 
at it. 

Ben. Well, well, Lucy, let us go and make arrange- 
ments for our wedding. You have caught me in the 



OR, DYING TO MABRY. 81 

slickest kind of a way ; and, in return for it, I '11 give you 
a short name, which T hope will be more agreeable to you 
than the lojig Summers you have been enjoying. 

\^Exeunt Lucy and Ben. l. h, 



Scene 11.— A room in Lady Merlin's house. 
Enter Lady Merlin, r. h. 1 e. 

Lady M. I shall be ashamed to meet Capt. Linwood, 
after the failure of my disguise, yesterday — and hearing, 
too, the remarks he make to his footman. I have a plan 
now invented, which I know will make him yield — and 
which I will carry out at once. But I must have the 
assistance of some gentleman to aid me. Ben, the Cap- 
tain's footman, would not answer, for his head is nearly 
turned with joy on account of his contemplated marriage 
with Lucy, this evening. There is Mr. Frippery — the 
very one for my purpose. He will do any thing to please 
me, and consider himself greatly honored in being asked 
to assist me. Yes, I will ask his aid. {A knocking at 
the door is heard. ) Some one is at the door. I hope it 
is not Capt. Linwood. Lucy ! {No answer by Lucy.) 
Why does she not answer? Lucy! Lucy ! 

Lucy (outside). Coming, ma'm. (Enter Lucy loith a 
night-cap in her hand, ivhich she is finishing.) Here I 
am, ma'm. (Knocking at the door again.) 

Lady M. Do go to the door, Lucy. [Lucy goes to the 
door and shows in Mr. Frippery.] (Aside.) The very 
gentleman I wish to see. 

Mr. F. Good morning, my dear Lady Merlin (bows). 

Lady M. Good morning, Mr. Frippery ; I was just 
thinking of you. 

Mr. F. Ah, indeed ! I am most happy to hear that 
I hold a place in your thoughts, my very dear madam, 
however small it may be. 

Lady M (aside). How shall I make known my wishes? 
(To Mr. Frippery.) Mr. Frippery, I have something to 
ask you, which I am at a loss how to communicate. 

Mr. F. Do not hesitate, my dear madam. Command 



32 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

me in any way you please. I am your most obedient 
servant. 

Lady M. I am fearful that you may think me too 
bold — or, perhaps, imprudent. 

Mr. F. No, not for the world, my dear Lady Merlin. 
Use my services freely, in any way you please. 

Lady M (aside). I must do so. {Aloud.) Mr. Frip- 
pery, under no other circumstances would I act as I am 
about to act. But, having every confidence in your honor, 
as a gentleman, I will ask you for your aid in an affair in 
which my heart is deeply interested. 

Mpw. F. Speak out, my dear madam, I pray you, and 
do not feel the least delicacy. You are not aware, my 
dear madam, of the great respect I entertain for you ; 
and I, consequently, could not do otherwise than serve 
you to the utmost of my abilities. 

Lady M (aside). I will ask his aid. (To Lucy.) Lucy, 
I do not want you just now. (Lucy exits, r. h.) Mr. 
Frippery, I will at once say that 

Mr. F. Go on, my dear madam. 

Lady M. I was going to say, Mr. Frippery, that I 
have a plan invented for making a certain gentleman, who 
has been addressing me for some time, and who, I know, 
loves me, propose at once. 

Mr. F. And that certain gentleman is no other than 
Capt. Linwood. 

Lady M. Yes, sir, he is the gentleman. 

Mr. F. My dear Lady Merlin, you could not have 
asked me to aid you in any matter in which I could take 
so lively an interest as in this. 

Lady M. I am pleased to see that you enlist so eagerly, 
Mr. Frippery. 

Mr. F. Why, my dear madam, I confess to you that 
I have a great interest at stake in the issue of this very 
matter, which I will explain to you hereafter, to say noth- 
ing of my own anxious feelings for your happiness and 
welfare. 

Lady M. Now that I have broken the ice, I will tell 

you my plot, and what I wish you to do. It is this 

(A knocking is heard at the door. l. h. 1 e.) Good heav- 
ens ! I hope that is not the Captain. Lucy ! (Enter 

Lucy. R. H. 1 E.) 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 83 

Lucy. Here I am, ma'm. 

Lady M. Some one is at the door. (Lucy goes to the 
door^ and Ben Short enters and shakes hands with Lucy very 
lovingly.) 

Ben (to Lady M). Good morning, ma'm. {Bows. 
Ben and Lucy walk to the rear and converse together.) 

Lady M. Mr. Frippery, if you have no objection, sup- 
pose we walk into the garden, and there I can unfold to 
you my scheme without interruption. 

Mr. F. With the greatest pleasure, my dear madam. 
Please take my arm. {Lady M. takes Mr. P.'s arm^ and 
they exeunt, l. h, 1 e.) 

Ben and Lucy come forward. 

Ben. There 's some mischief hatching here, Lucy. 

Lucy. I think so, too ; but I could n't find out any 
thing. 

Ben, "Well, who cares. We need not care for any 
thing, nor any body but ourselves, now. 

Lucy. 0, yes, Ben — I care for my mistress. She has 
been the kindest kind of a mistress to me, and I love her 
dearly ; but not so dearly as I love you, Ben. 

Ben. Now, Lucy, I must have one for that. (Ben 
kisses her.) 

Lucy. You ought to wait till after we are married. 

Ben. Why, Lucy, whenever you say you love me, my 
lips pucker right up for a kiss. 

Lucy. I '11 be more careful, then, and not say so again 
to-day. 

Ben. May be I '11 not wait for you to say so. Lucy, 
the Captain has acted the perfect gentleman toward me, 
to-day. He has paid me all my wages in full and given 
me up my agreement. 

Lucy. He is such a good, dear Captain. I hope my 
mistress may soon make him her husband. 

Ben. Yes, so do I. It would be so comfortable all 
around for us. 

Lucy. I feel certain it will turn out so. I think that 
my mistress will bring all things out right, yet. 

Ben. Well, Lucy, to-night we are to be made one ; 
and who will dare say we will not be the happiest of the 
happy? 



34 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Lucy. Nobody ; for we will be so. [ They sing.'] 

Air — " Matrimonial Sweets." 

Lucy. To-night! to-night! how happy we '11 be! 

From every care and trouble free, 

Our joys shall never have an end, 

But love and bliss unceasing blend: 

You '11 be so good, so kind and true — 
Bex. I '11 never love any, only you. 
Lucy. Our days will thus be happy spent — 
Ben. We '11 know naught else but true content. 
{Both sing and dance.) 

To-night ! to-night ! how happy we '11 be I 
From every care and trouble free. 
Our joys shall never have an end. 
But love and bliss unceasing blend. 
{Lucy and Ben repeat the last four lines, and continue dancing ^ till 
Mr. Frippery enters.) 

Eater Mr. Frippery in a hurry^ and apparently much 
alarmed, l. h. 1 e. 

Mr. F. Lucy, run to your mistress, quickly. (Lucy 
and Ben are much alarmed.) She was suddenly seized 
with a dreadful fit, while we were walking in the garden, 
and is now lying on the sofa in the next room, in a most 
dangerous situation. 

Lucy. 0, my poor, dear mistress ! (Lucy runs out. 

L. H. 1 E.) 

Mr. F. Ben, you had better run and inform Capt. 
Linwood of Lady Merlin's serious situation ; and tell him, 
if he wishes to see her alive, he must not delay a moment 
in coming hither. I must go for the doctor. 

Ben, Yes, sir — I will go right away, sir. (Aside and 
going.) I hope this is all a sham. \_JEl:cit Ben. l.h. 1 e. 

Mr. F. I must now hurry after the doctor, for he 
must arrive here before Capt. Linwood. 

[^E.ut Mr. Frippery, l. h. 1 e. 



OR, DYING TO MABRY. 35 

Scene III. — A room in Lady Merlin's house. Lady Merlin is 
discovered lying on a sofa, with a shawl thrown over her, feigning to 
be very ill. 

Enter Lucy in great distress^ and runs up to Lady 
Merlin. 

Lucy. 0, my dear mistress, I hope you are not going 
to die, ma'm? 

Lady M [with feeble voice). I do not know, Lucy; per- 
haps not. 

Lucy, Do you feel very bad, ma'm 1 

Lady M. Not so very bad, Lucy. 

Lucy. Can 't I do something for you, to make you feel 
better, ma'm? 

Lady M. I do not think you can be of any service, 
Lucy. 

Lucy. 0, my dear mistress, what shall I do ! 

Lady M. Try to keep calm, Lucy. Perhaps I '11 soon 
recover ; it may be only a temporary attack. 

Lucy. I wish the doctor would come. 

Lady M. Lucy, did Mr. Frippery send Ben for Capt. 
Linwood ? 

Lucy. I do n't know, ma'm ; but I suppose he did, 
ma'm. 

Lady M. I hope he will come, for fear worse may 
happen. 

Lucy. I do, too, ma'm. {A knocking at the door is 
heard.) There he is now, ma'm, (JLucy goes to the door 
quickly .f and Mr. Frippery enters in the disguise of a doc- 
tor.^ with Mack gown a7id spectacles on and cane in his hand.) 
Walk in, doctor. There lies my poor, dear mistress. 
(Pointing to Lady Merlin.) Do make her well soon, 
doctor. [Mr. Frippery goes up to Lady Merlin.) 

Mr. F. Good morning, madam. I hope that your 
symptoms are not very serious. {Feels Lady Merlin's 
pulse.) There is great excitement of the nervous system. 
Let me see your tongue, madam. [Lady Merlin shows 
Mr. F. her tongue.) The tongue looks quite clean and 
healthy. 

Lady M. Do you think my case dangerous, doctor? 

Mr. F. I can not answer that question, my dear mad- 
am. But, " while there is life there is hope. " 

Lucy. 0, how glad I am to hear you say so, doctor. 



36 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Mr. F. How long has it been since you were first at- 
tacked, madam? 

Lady M. I have felt the symptoms coming on for some 
time, doctor. 

Mr. F. Where do you feel the most acute pain, 
madam ? 

Lady M. Here, doctor. (Laying her hand on her 
heart.) 

Mr. F. 1 am fearful that the malady has reached that 
most vital organ, my dear madam ; and, unless something 
is done to give you immediate relief, your case will soon 
become more complicated. 

Lucy. 0, doctor, do n't say so ! 

Mr. F. Fearing, my dear madam, that your case 
might baffle all my skill, I took the precaution to send for 
another physician, who, I think, is more capable of giving 
you relief than I am. (A knocking at the door is heard.) 
Ah ! there he comes. Admit him Lucy, at once. {Lucy 
runs to the door, arid Capt. Linwood rushes in, greatly 
alarmed. Lucy looks completely puzzled^ not knowing 
what is going on.) 

Captain L (as he runs in). Where is she — where is 
Lady Merlin? (Runs up to the sofa and kneels doivn, tak- 
ing Lady Merlin'' s hand. Lady Merlin puts on an appear- 
ance of great feebleness.) Oh, Lady Merlin, has it come 
to this ? 

Mr. F (placing his hand on the Capto^ls shoulder.) 
Gently, my dear sir ; her nerves are quite unstrung. 

Captain L. Speak to me, Lady Merlin. 

Lady M (in a very feeble voice). Is that your voice, 
Captain Linwood? 

Captain L. It is, Lady Merlin. 

Lady M. I am glad you have come. I thought you 
would be too late, Captain. 

Captain L. Speak not thus, my dear Lady Merlin? 
Something can yet be done. Doctor, can n't you advise 
something ? 

Mr. F. Indeed, I am at a loss how to act, her case is 
such a peculiar one. 

Lady M. Yes, I feel that a change must soon take 
place. Captain Linwood, will you not grant me one last 
request, before it is too late. 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 37 

Captain L. Yes, Lady Merlin, on my honor I will 
grant you any thing you may desire. 

Lady M. I could die so happily. Captain, if I could 
only become your wife and call you once by the endearing 
name of husband. 

Captain L. You shall become my wife at once, my 
dear Lady Merlin. {Captai7i L. goes to the door quickly. 
Mr. Frippery a7id JLady Merlin shake hands in joy while 
the Caytain^s hack is turned) Ben, run over to Mr. Gor- 
don's house, quickly, and tell him his services are wanted 
here immediately. {The Captain returns to Lady Merlin 
and takes her hand.) 

Lady M. I feel some better. Captain. 

Mr. F. I think, Captain, that she is a little easier, 
now. 

Captain L. Can n't you administer something that 
will give her a little more strength, doctor? 

Mr. F. Nature, now, must take its course, Captain. 

Captain L. I wish Mr. Gordon were here. (Enter 
Mr. Gok'do'n, foUoived by Ben.) Here he is, thank Heav- 
en. {The Captain meets Mr. Gordon.) I pray you, my 
dear sir, delay not a moment, but marry Lady Merlin to 
me, as quick as possible, as she is in a most dangerous 
situation. {Mr. Gordon and the Captain go up to Lady 
Merlin.) 

Mr. Gordon. I am required to join in wedlock this 
man and this woman ; presuming that there are no obsta- 
cles in the way, I will proceed, without further remark, 
with the ceremony. {To Captain Linwood.) Do you 
take this woman for your wedded wife ? 

Captain L. I do. 

Mr. Gordon {to Lady Merlin). Do you take this man 
for your wedded husband ? 

Lady M. I do. 

Mr. Gordon. I then pronounce you husband and 
wife, in the presence of these witnesses, and may Heaven 
bless you. 

Mr. Frippery {aside). The three hundred pounds are 
mine. 

Mr. Gordon. I will now take my leave. Good day. 
[Mr. Gordon bows and exits, l. h. 

Captain L. My wife, my own dear wife. {Embraces 
4 



38 CATCHING A HUSBAND; 

Lady Merlin. While the Captain and Lady Merlin are 
thus engaged^ Mr. Frippery throios off his disguise as the 
Doctor^ unseen by them, and appears in the dress of Mr. 
Frippery. Lucy and Ben are earnestly talking together^ 
not knowing what to make of the strange state of affairs^ 
and apfear much astonished at Mr. Frippery'' s appearance.') 

Lady M. 0, what a thrilling sensation ! A change 
for the better has suddenly come over me. Assist me up, 
dear husband, and let me lean upon your arm. I will try 
to walk a little. (^The Captain looks perplexed at the sud- 
den change in Lady Merlin's appearance. She takes his 
arm and they ivalk slowly toivard the front of the stage. 
Mr. Frippery follows them, a?id steps up to the Captain^ s 
side.) 

Mr. Frippery. Captain, I will now take the three 
hundred pounds. 

Captain L {starting hack., utterly astounded^ looking at 
Mr. F. and then at Lady Merlin^ What ! is it possible 
that I have been ensnared? 

Lady M. 0, Captain, forgive me. 'T was love for you. 
(Throws her arms around the Captain'' s neck.) 

Captain L. I see it all. I have been decoyed. Yes, 
decoyed into the arms of the very woman I love above all 
others. But I am so happy in seeing the idol of my 
heart well, and so blest in being her husband, that I free- 
ly forgive you both for your admirably planned scheme. 
I have been, unexpectedly, made happy. So here 's my 
hand, Mr. Frippery (shakes him cordially by the ha7id), 
and here 's your three hundred pounds {takes out his pock- 
et book and pays Mr. Frippery the money., which Mr. F. 
takes.) 

Mr. F. My dear Captain, allow me the honor of pre- 
senting to your accomplished wife the three hundred 
pounds as a bridal gift (gives to Lady Merlin the money). 

Lady M (taking the money). You are most kind, most 
generous, Mr, Frippery. 

Mr. F (thro2vs back an outside coat and displays a lieu- 
tenatit^s uniform, and at the same time throws off his wig 
and mustaches, and appears as Lieutenant Charles Clifford. 
To Lady Merlin :) Sister ! 

Lady M (screams). My dear brother? (They rush 
into each other^s embrace.) 



OR, DYING TO MARRY. 89 

Captain L {much astonished'). Good heavens ! It is 
Lieutenant Charles Clifford, of the 42d. {Ben and Lucy 
have been^ and are^ in great joy at the hajppy termination 
of all things.') 

Mr, F. It is, indeed, your fellow soldier and friend, 
Charles Clifford. {Leaves his sister^ Lady M., and runs to 
the embrace of Captam Linwood.) 

Captain L. This is the happiest moment of my life. 
Lady M. And of mine. 

Mr. F. I could not be happier, for I see my dear sis- 
ter the happy wife of my best friend. 

Captain L. You must tell us, Charley, why you re- 
mained incog, so long 1 

Mr. F. It was a mere mischievous freak of mine I 
assure you ; done to enjoy a little fun and amusement. I 
will give you all the particulars hereafter. {Ben a7id Lu- 
cy come forward.) 

Lucy {to Lady Merlin). I am so glad, ma'm, that you 
made up your mind not to die. 

Ben {to Captain L.) And I am so glad, Captain, that 
you made up your mind to marry. I hope you will all 
come to our wedding to night. 

Captain L. We will certainly be there, Ben. 
Lucy {to Lady M.) Yes, please ma'm, do n't forget 
us. 

Lady M. We will not forget you, Lucy. 
Captain Linwood {coining forward and addressing the 
audience) : 

Kind friends ! I 've a word to say 

To you, on this my wedding day. 

Tis this: 

When woman once resolves to marry. 

In vain you try her schemes to parry. 

To catch a husband, she will plan 

Ways enough for any man. 

Her plots are many, she 's always trying — 

As a last resort she takes to dying: 

No sooner is she made a wife. 

Than back again she comes to life. 



FINIS. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




